It’s new fic. It’s using our fandom’s classic trope so this is somehow understandable. But your story is trite. The plot is sucks, by OOC mostly. And stupidity.
Character A lost trust of Character B. Being brilliant and doing incredibly important work, A wouldn’t loose his sleep and ability to think during the day because of it. He wouldn’t stop eating and wouldn’t loose his wish for Nobel Prize even if you, dear author, think otherwise. Because, you know, A still has very important job, he doesn’t want to make mistakes by being exhausted and he’s generally too busy for long remorse.
A won’t be asking other people to teach him «fly in the straight line» and show him how to shoot a gun right just to please B and earn his trust back. For the most part because A learnt it year ago from the same unfortunate B!
And while I’m still on it, please, dear author, don’t make A stupid in addition to his behavior of 13-year-old-girl-seeking-approval-from-h
Please note, that I didn’t want to offend any 12-year-old girls on purpose.
Character A lost trust of Character B. Being brilliant and doing incredibly important work, A wouldn’t loose his sleep and ability to think during the day because of it. He wouldn’t stop eating and wouldn’t loose his wish for Nobel Prize even if you, dear author, think otherwise. Because, you know, A still has very important job, he doesn’t want to make mistakes by being exhausted and he’s generally too busy for long remorse.
A won’t be asking other people to teach him «fly in the straight line» and show him how to shoot a gun right just to please B and earn his trust back. For the most part because A learnt it year ago from the same unfortunate B!
And while I’m still on it, please, dear author, don’t make A stupid in addition to his behavior of 13-year-old-girl-seeking-approval-from-h
Please note, that I didn’t want to offend any 12-year-old girls on purpose.
When your fic features Lois Lane as a domestic housewife that cooks breakfast for her husband and watches the kids all day, I become very alarmed, and hit the back button. I don't care if your fic is set in a continuity I'm not as familiar with, I'm pretty sure that Stepford!Lois is OOC everywhere.
ETA: Unless it is supposed to be creepy and other characters treat it as such, of course.
ETA: Unless it is supposed to be creepy and other characters treat it as such, of course.
- Mood:
confused
If Derek Venturi wanted to be with Casey because he's in love with her, he would not be secretly plotting against her ex-boyfriends.
He also wouldn't poison and kill Sam. His and Casey's relationship was over a long time ago, and besides, Derek and Sam are friends. Derek may not do well in school, but I can't see him putting his super secret plans on the computer so Casey can accidentally find them when he breaks her laptop.
And really, why is Casey even with Derek in the first place and why hasn't she gone to the police? She even confronted Derek about killing Sam! She has proof on Derek's computer that he's done these things, and she's pretending to be happy with him?
And biology fail here: You cannot find out that you're pregnant one day after having sex! It's impossible!
Edit: To fix a typo.
Edit 2: Found another typo.
He also wouldn't poison and kill Sam. His and Casey's relationship was over a long time ago, and besides, Derek and Sam are friends. Derek may not do well in school, but I can't see him putting his super secret plans on the computer so Casey can accidentally find them when he breaks her laptop.
And really, why is Casey even with Derek in the first place and why hasn't she gone to the police? She even confronted Derek about killing Sam! She has proof on Derek's computer that he's done these things, and she's pretending to be happy with him?
And biology fail here: You cannot find out that you're pregnant one day after having sex! It's impossible!
Edit: To fix a typo.
Edit 2: Found another typo.
90210 2.08 Women’s Intuition (High Definition)
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homeofthenuttyPlease take a minute to click all my babies? I've been clicking your's as I seen them on my friend's list today, but haven't taken the time to comment.
Thank you SO much to whoever helps by clicking!! You all are the greatest! ♥
Thank you SO much to whoever helps by clicking!! You all are the greatest! ♥
- Mood:
high
Dear Specific Author,
Ron is not going to equate Harry with Draco Malfoy if Harry knows something about the wizarding world Ron doesn't. He is not going to start calling Harry by his last name, and saying "Potter wasn't even that good in school!"
Ron can be jealous of Harry, and he can be a prat about it sometimes, but overall he is very loyal to Harry.
Nor does he particularly strike me as the type of person who refers to himself in the third person while ranting about how great he will become. That's more Voldemort's territory.
Love,
A person who thought you were doing a decent job of characterizing Ron before this left-field lunacy.
Dear Authors-In-General,
Harry/Ron fics do not require Hermione to be demonized. Stop making her out to be a crazy person out to destroy everyone's happiness. These are the two people she cares most about, you know!
Same for any other pairings up of the trio.
Love,
Somebody who likes her slash and her Hermione fic.
Ron is not going to equate Harry with Draco Malfoy if Harry knows something about the wizarding world Ron doesn't. He is not going to start calling Harry by his last name, and saying "Potter wasn't even that good in school!"
Ron can be jealous of Harry, and he can be a prat about it sometimes, but overall he is very loyal to Harry.
Nor does he particularly strike me as the type of person who refers to himself in the third person while ranting about how great he will become. That's more Voldemort's territory.
Love,
A person who thought you were doing a decent job of characterizing Ron before this left-field lunacy.
Dear Authors-In-General,
Harry/Ron fics do not require Hermione to be demonized. Stop making her out to be a crazy person out to destroy everyone's happiness. These are the two people she cares most about, you know!
Same for any other pairings up of the trio.
Love,
Somebody who likes her slash and her Hermione fic.
I really would like to know about global politics. But down here it doesn't get reported on the same way as American politics, or more accurately, it doesn't get the coverage that celebrities get. And it's annoying, especially when I hear trollish comments that 'Americans don't know foreign news'. Not our fault that it isn't reported, and it's not like Americans aren't curious about the world.
So I already got a large Canadian news site. And an American one. I've set them on my sidebar at the bottom.
Any recommendations for good news sites for the whole world?
So I already got a large Canadian news site. And an American one. I've set them on my sidebar at the bottom.
Any recommendations for good news sites for the whole world?
- Mood:
blank
The fic started out really good. Well written, tugged at the heartstrings, I was all ready to love it to pieces. It had a pretty common scenario where Naruto has to take down Sasuke, for the village’s sake. And I could see Naruto doing this. What I can’t see Naruto doing? After smashing Sasuke’s body, grabbing him by the hair and cutting his head off. Then slamming the head face first into the dirt and jamming a kunai through it.
I get it, the author doesn’t like Sasuke…but Naruto does. I just can't see him mutilating Sasuke's corpse like that. Killing him to protect the village? Yes. Cutting off the head and then jamming a kunaithrew through* the skull of the guy he said was a brother to him? Not so much.
ETA* I can't proofread on Vicodin apparently. -_-
I get it, the author doesn’t like Sasuke…but Naruto does. I just can't see him mutilating Sasuke's corpse like that. Killing him to protect the village? Yes. Cutting off the head and then jamming a kunai
ETA* I can't proofread on Vicodin apparently. -_-
- Mood:
aggravated
Chapter 2 is up! There are definitely spoilers so watch out! Please review! Oh pretty please!
Well, okay, here's what I know about your fic: what fandom it's for (due to the section it's in), the characters (due to the tags), and that it's two chapters long so far. I also know that you would like reviews and that your story contains spoilers.
But I know nothing concerning the plot. I was fairly sure that a summary was supposed to provide that. The only plot-related things I know are from tags rather than your summary. Bad author. No cookie. I don't even know what section of the source material these spoilers are for! Endgame? Halfway through? Something found out in the first five minutes but that it quite shocking?
This is like summarizing a book with the following: "There are words! There is more than one chapter! Someone dies! Oh, and the characters are named Gary and Matthew! Please read! Oh pretty please!"
Well, okay, here's what I know about your fic: what fandom it's for (due to the section it's in), the characters (due to the tags), and that it's two chapters long so far. I also know that you would like reviews and that your story contains spoilers.
But I know nothing concerning the plot. I was fairly sure that a summary was supposed to provide that. The only plot-related things I know are from tags rather than your summary. Bad author. No cookie. I don't even know what section of the source material these spoilers are for! Endgame? Halfway through? Something found out in the first five minutes but that it quite shocking?
This is like summarizing a book with the following: "There are words! There is more than one chapter! Someone dies! Oh, and the characters are named Gary and Matthew! Please read! Oh pretty please!"
- Mood: aggravated
- Mood:
giggly - Music:"Medium" on TV
I signed up as one of the Cleverly Hidden Authors at yaoi_challenge! Go leave prompts for people you find interesting.
Also, I put Nagi inna dress forspringkink, and Charley and Johnny in hot springs at the same community. (Vassalord is such crack people. Such. Crack.)
Because I am starting to lose track of my life, I have a to-do list under the cut. Click only if you're curious or want to share my masochism.
( To do )
yaoi_challenge! Go leave prompts for people you find interesting.Also, I put Nagi inna dress for
springkink, and Charley and Johnny in hot springs at the same community. (Vassalord is such crack people. Such. Crack.)Because I am starting to lose track of my life, I have a to-do list under the cut. Click only if you're curious or want to share my masochism.
( To do )
- Mood:
cheerful
proudNow, I'm all for fics that deal with real life issues, like homophobia. I've even been known to write one or two myself.
However, when people vehemently object to a teacher having sex with his underage student, homophobia might play a part in it, but that sure isn't the whole thing. After all if the student (or teacher) were of another sex, I'm pretty sure their parents would still be loudly objecting.
However, when people vehemently object to a teacher having sex with his underage student, homophobia might play a part in it, but that sure isn't the whole thing. After all if the student (or teacher) were of another sex, I'm pretty sure their parents would still be loudly objecting.
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